Welcome to my blog

Lynn’s logic on illogical behaviors

What do we owe the people in our lives, especially those we are intimately involved with: immediate family, romantic partners, close friends?

Standard answers, at least to me, are trust, loyalty, respect, and acceptance. This includes helping when asked, if possible.

But is what we owe others absolute, or can circumstances change the calculus?

What is unconditional love?

Does “unconditional love” mean loyalty is required when friends and family behave badly? When they hurt us? When they hurt others? Does loyalty require I tolerate ongoing abuse, financially support an addict, condone criminal acts? Must I continue to support a loved one who behaves abominably when I would refuse to begin a relationship with someone new who does the same thing? Or is making such judgments setting conditions on love?

Is a transactional component to our assessments acceptable, i.e., he didn’t help me then, so why should I help him now? Or the reverse, she was there for me through everything so I must support her despite what she did?

My experiences

I envision my blog being about whatever I feel like writing about, but many posts will explore such themes. I have both supported and walked away from loved ones who behaved badly, and I’m currently writing a memoir on my attempt to grapple with my closest (or so I thought) friend’s secret criminal life, exposed when she was arrested and spent two years in prison for a violent felony. If you’re also looking to heal from someone else’s behavior that you just can’t wrap your head around and/or that threatened to take you down too, I hope you’ll find reading worthwhile, and I’ll be interested in your comments and experiences.

I’ve gained so much insight from others’ memoirs about trauma and chaos in their own pasts, as well as from a few self-help books, and I will share those along the way. I would love to hear your own recommendations as well.

Thanks in advance for joining me on this journey.